


Still the One

by what_a_gust



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 07:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22052146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_gust/pseuds/what_a_gust
Summary: We've been together since way back when. Sometimes I never want to see you again. But I want you to know. After all these years. You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 21
Kudos: 254





	Still the One

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Still the One by Orleans. https://open.spotify.com/track/2dtK02TSAuTvVYU2wGAVG0?si=RMc7YRFjQdilpwO0t8sadw I've been working on this for over a year but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out so, Happy New Year and enjoy :)

We've been together since way back when  
Sometimes I never want to see you again  
But I want you to know  
After all these years  
You're still the one  
I want whisperin' in my ear

  
They’ve been together for 46 years. Christen can hardly believe it’s been that long. They’ve been married for 41 of those years. They’ve had three children and have eight grandchildren. They’ve been around the world together. But now, as she leans against the doorframe, she looks lovingly at her wife who is nestled in the couch, pillows strewn everywhere, reading a book, and she still can’t quite believe it’s real.

  


The love blooms in her chest and she feels caught, as though she’d burst if she didn’t express it but can’t bring herself to interrupt her wife who is deep in focus, a rarity even in their old age. She forces herself to wait a moment longer before the need becomes too great. She steps out of the entryway toward the couch and the old hardwood floor groans gently under her feet.

  


Her wife looks up. A smile spreads across her face. “You’re home.”

  


“Whenever I’m with you,” Christen teases gently, her heart swells as she sinks into her wife’s side and nuzzles into her neck. She feels her wife’s arm wrap around her and the rest of the world melts away. She is warm and safe and happy.

  


It hasn’t always been that way. Any good relationship takes work. There were days, early in their retirement, when they were trying to navigate starting a family and beginning new careers, that their house felt more like a pressure cooker than a home. There were times when Christen would walk out the door in the morning not certain that she’d be able to bring herself home in the evening and face the tension.

  


But they worked at it. They talked, they went to therapy, they made rules. They never, ever (except for once) went to bed angry.

  


And now, Christen is more grateful than she can fully comprehend. Of course they still argue and bicker and misunderstand. But with decades of practice under their belts, most of the time, resolution comes with a deep breath, a clarifying question, and a hug.

  


They find themselves still snuggled up as the sun has set in the window behind them. “I wish we could stay here forever,” Christen whispers into her wife’s ear just as she feels her wife’s stomach grumble underneath her.

  


“Me too honey, but I think it’s time for dinner. I’ll cook. What would you like?”

  


As they shuffle into the kitchen together, Christen reaches for a cook book, “Let’s try something new.” And she is thrilled, that after so many years, trying something new is still something they get to do together.

  


You're still the one  
I want to talk to in bed  
Still the one  
That turns my head  
We're still having fun

And you're still the one  
  


Tobin shuts off the bathroom light and closes the bathroom door behind her as she walks back into their bedroom. She sees her wife, bathed in the soft light of the bedside lamp, sitting up in bed with her reading glasses perched on the bridge of her nose and her mind faraway in the land of stories.

  


But, it delights Tobin that as soon as she feels the bed dip next to her under the weight of Tobin’s body, she closes the book, takes off her glasses, places both on the nightstand and rolls onto her side puckering her lips.

  


Tobin leans over and kisses her. She takes a moment, letting her mind wander as she takes in the face before her. Though her wife’s hair is mostly gray, it’s as thick and curly as ever. The creases around her wife’s eyes and mouth show a life time of laughter. The sparkle in her green-grey eyes is so bright that it’s almost blinding, and the black of her pupils so deep that Tobin feels she might fall in.

  


She is grateful that after all these years, when she looks at her wife, she sees the joy she feels reflected back at her.

  


She wants to tell her as much, “Hi.”

  


“Hi,” her wife echoes back as a smile spreads across her face.

  


“Whatcha reading?”

  


“To Kill a Mockingbird.”

  


“Only you would read classic literature for fun.”

  


Her wife shrugs, “It’s a really important book. And you learn something new about both books and yourself every time you reread.”

  


Tobin knows she’s right, knows she doesn’t really have anything more to add. So instead of trying, she just offers the only message that she’s certain never gets old, “I love you.”

  


“I love you, too.”

  


Tobin kisses her again. “I love your beautiful brain, and your beautiful face, and the way you love me.”

  


Her wife’s eyes fill with wonder and Tobin’s heart beats faster; her chest feels like it might explode because the love inside her is too big for words.

  


Tobin kisses her again. And again. And again.

  


//

  


Later, when they’re both still sweaty but their breathing has slowed almost back to normal, Tobin kisses her once more. After so many years, they are attuned to each other in a way that sometimes makes it feel like their souls are one. But as Tobin pulls back, joy joins the love that is sitting in her chest and she whispers, “That was fun.”

  


“Always is with you baby,” her wife replies. “Couldn’t imagine doing that with anyone else.”

  


“Good.”

  


“I love you.” And this time her wife kisses her before turning over and resting her head on her pillow.

  


Tobin takes her place at her wife’s back, wraps her arm around her waist and closes her eyes, looking forward to a night of peaceful slumber. “I love you too.”  
  


  


  


I looked at your face every day  
But I never saw it 'til I went away  
When winter came  
I just wanted to go (wanted to go)  
Deep in the desert  
I longed for the snow  
  
  


When Christen requested to be traded, the last thing that she expected was that she would end up back in Sweden. The irony of the parallels is not lost on her. In 2012, she wanted nothing more to play for the national team and a disappointing let-down from the American league sent her to Gothenburg for the first time. Now, almost exactly six years later, she is once again in search of a milestone with the national team and disappointed by the American league.

  


She had requested the trade for a number of reasons; but, if she was honest with herself, which she usually tried to be, it was mostly to be closer to Tobin. She never really thought that Portland was a possibility but she was able to envision herself in Seattle or, when the team formed, in Utah. The news that she was traded to Houston felt like an elephant sitting on her chest. She wanted to do right by the league but she also wanted to do right by herself. And she knew that Houston wasn’t it.

  


Between a rock and a hard place, Christen felt trapped. The whole debacle began out of an effort to lessen the “long” distance of her relationship and now she was going to be tripling that distance for the foreseeable future. Though Tobin, of course, was incredibly supportive of Christen choosing to play in an environment that suited her needs, the decision still weighed heavy on her heart.

  


When she arrives in Gothenburg, Christen feels a lot of the same freedom that she did the first time around, though with a bit less anonymity. The most significant difference is one she knew awaited her. She is plagued by an ever-present ache which serves as a reminder that the other half of her heart is almost 5,000 miles away. As much as she is comforted by Olivia and the other familiar faces of the Damallsvenskan, she knows that playing in Sweden is not a viable long term option.

  


The 9-hour time difference makes scheduling time to talk more difficult than she had hoped. Even though she sends her practice schedule to Tobin as soon as she has it and she’s had the Thorns’ schedule in her calendar since before she left, the whole month of April feels kind of like an endless game of phone-tag.

  


May is a little bit better, mostly because she’s occupied by her trip to Norway to see Cami and the subsequent visits from Fran and her Dad. She does her best to enjoy herself and make the most of the experience. With Tobin playing again, their schedules seem to line up even less. She distracts herself with as much time as she can in the sun and tries to ground herself in the success she’s finding on the field (though her team isn’t quite where she’d like).

  


Missing Tobin’s birthday is hard; this is the first time since they started dating that they’ve been unable to celebrate together at all. She invites Cami to come visit so that she won’t be able to mope around all day. They have a wonderful time but, when she sits down in the early afternoon to call Tobin, she has trouble keeping the tears in. She knows that Tobin doesn’t hold it against her but she still feels guilty. Then, she starts feeling guilty for feeling guilty and she just wishes that she could’ve been traded to a team in the same time-zone as Tobin’s and that the whole mess would just go away.

  


June, however, arrives with some very exciting news. She’s been called into camp in Utah for two friendlies against China, which means that she might actually get her 100th cap. As much as she’s hopeful for that, the only thing she really cares about when she sees the roster is that Tobin’s name is listed just before hers.

  


Relief flows through her. She’s almost buzzing with excitement at the thought: they’ll be reunited within the week.

  


//

  


Ten years later, they have three small children and their lives are more chaotic than ever before. Christen had decided to take a year off from her PhD program in anticipation of giving birth to their third child. And, for the first six months, she’s really glad she did. After all, it’s everything she told herself she wanted.

  


So, in June, when Miles is done with kindergarten but hasn’t started camp yet and Nathan is oversensitive to his brother’s demands for order and Avery is a very whiney 4-month-old, Christen starts to feel overwhelmed and wonders why she ever thought that being home with the kids all day would be a good idea.

  


Looking back, she realizes that she should have known that keeping the house both clean and tidy and preparing healthy meals that everybody likes three times a day would be impossible. But that knowledge doesn’t keep her from being continually frustrated by her inability to actualize her vision of their lives.

  


And, even though she knows that Tobin loves and supports her, she feels like she can’t complain because at least she gets to be home with the kids while Tobin is out at work (or that’s what she tells herself anyway).

  


To add to Christen’s resentment, Tobin is completely enamored with Avery. She doesn’t seem to understand how fussy the baby is all day. And to make matters worse, Avery quietly takes her bottle and promptly falls asleep as soon as Tobin scoops her up each evening. 

  


One evening during dinner, after a particularly rough day, Christen finds herself wishing that she could somehow magically disappear, if only for a moment of peace and quiet. The boys had been bickering since lunch and Avery cried every time one of them raised their voice even a little bit. Miles, who is usually very attuned to Christen, seems to be choosing to ignore the look she gives him over the table to stop riling his brother up.

  


She tries to relax, to let the frustration role off her shoulders. She closes her eyes, reminds herself to be grateful for a family of people she loves, who love her, and thinks that maybe she’ll be okay. But when she opens her eyes, she sees Nathan reaching over to hit Miles and Tobin looking down at Avery, not paying attention to them at all. And, just like that, the frustration comes rolling back like a relentless wave.

  


Not even a few bites into the lasagna she’d made that morning, Christen has really had enough. She pushes her chair back from the table abruptly and walks out of the room. She hears Tobin call after her but she ignores it and steps out onto the front porch, slamming the door behind her. She knows she’s being immature and unfair but she needs some space. She’d rather step away from Tobin’s way-too-relaxed attitude and the kids’ ridiculousness than say something she can’t take back.

  


She runs her fingers through her hair a few time, trying to regulate her breathing and then sits down on the stoop and puts her head in her hands. Her thoughts run through a familiar loop.

  


_You decided to take time off to be at home. She’s not aloof on purpose. At least she’s happy to see the kids. But why can’t she fucking realize that they’re not perfect? And couldn’t she do a little bit more to help me? She probably thinks feeding Avery is helping but it just, ugh, why can’t Avery be as good for me as she is for her?_

  


It’s hard not to give in to the pity party that she really wants to throw herself. Especially when she can’t turn to the person who always comforts her because that person is the one pissing her off right now.

  


A few minutes pass before she’s interrupted by a cold, wet nose nudging against her leg. She looks down to see Maggie, who even in her old age, is the most emotionally intelligent dog Christen has ever met. Maggie sits and rests her chin on Christen’s thigh and she almost instantly feels more calm.

  


“You’re such a good girl, Mags. So good. Thank you,” she coos as she pats the dog gently on the head.

  


Another few minutes later, she leans down to kiss Maggie on the nose and then forces herself to get up and go back inside. As she walks through the house toward the kitchen, she sees that the kids have finished eating and the only plate left at the table is hers. She finishes her now cold dinner and then clears her place.

  


Christen pointedly avoids Tobin for the remainder of the evening, wondering if this will be the first time she goes to bed more angry than not. She lets Tobin handle bath-time while she does the dishes and waits for Tobin to head into their room with the baby before she wishes the boy goodnight. 

  


After she tucks each of them in, she takes a moment to think about how much she loves them. Most of those memories inevitably lead back to Tobin and she starts dreading the difficult conversation that she knows awaits her when she gets in bed.

  


Tobin is patient and waits until Christen is done with her nightly routine before she says anything.

  


As Christen pulls the covers back, she feels Tobin start to speak so holds her hand up to stop her, “I need to go first.”

  


After a long pause, she continues, still not looking at Tobin, “I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to storm off. I just didn’t want to say something in the moment that I didn’t mean and not be able to take it back.”

  


“Chris, baby, it’s okay. Will you look at me please?” Tobin waits until she sees Christen look up through her eyelashes, “As much as I wish I could, I can’t read your mind. I know you wish that I would just know what’s wrong and fix it without asking but I can only fix the things you tell me about. Otherwise it’s just guessing and I’m sure I’ll get it wrong which won’t help either of us.”

  


Christen leans over to put her head in Tobin’s lap, seeking comfort she isn’t sure she deserves. Tobin starts to rub her back, “Baby, please tell me what’s wrong?”

  


Burying her face in Tobin’s thigh, Christen whispers, “She makes me hate you. Well, not hate you, it’s just, ugh…”

  


“Who? Honey.”

  


“Avery,” Christen admits, looking ashamed.

  


“What?” Tobin asks a bit surprised and very confused.

  


“All day, every day this week, she whines and cries and interrupts me the second I start trying to be productive and it’s impossible to get her down for a nap. And then you get home after being around people who can hold actual conversations and swoop in to feed her and she doesn’t fuss at all and then she falls asleep for you without you even having to try and you look at her like she’s hung the stars in the sky and it’s so fucking frustrating. Why does she hate me?!” Christen’s voice gets louder as she works herself up.

  


Tobin takes a moment to rub Christen back and reassure her. “Chris, do you know why I look at her that way?” Christen shakes her head no and Tobin continues, “Because she reminds me of you. Her eyes sparkle just like yours, especially when she smiles. And she needs me. I see all of the things I love about you in her, but I get to be there for her from the very beginning. You’re it for me honey, if I don’t have you, I don’t have her.”

  


Tobin feels Christen’s warm tears on her leg and adds, “I’m sure it isn’t easy being home all day. I’ll try to do better when I get home, but you have to tell me, okay?”

  


Christen nods into her leg and Tobin gently pulls her up. Finally, Christen meets her gaze and asks rather bashfully, “Can I have a kiss, please?”

  


“As many as you’d like.”

You're still the one  
That makes me laugh  
Still the one  
That's my better half  
We're still having fun  
And you're still the one  
  


Tobin was always making Christen laugh, even before they really knew each other. She admired how Tobin always seemed so uninhibited; her carefree _joi de vivre_ was infectious.

  


In college, when Stanford played UNC, she always had trouble peeling her eyes away from Tobin, who was always fooling around with the ball and nutmegging her teammates. Playing on the Pali Blues together was nothing short of an exercise in self-control. Her parents had taught her better than staring at acquaintances but that didn’t mean it was easy to ignore the pull Tobin had on her. By the time she made the national team, Christen finally gave in and let herself look, let herself laugh.

  


Now, after more than a decade together, not much has changed. Tobin is still a jokester and Christen still can’t tear her eyes away. Though, after so much time, they’re in tune enough with each other that they don’t even need words to communicate what they find amusing.

  


Luckily for them, their friends seem to have gotten used to it so they’re not offended. However, that doesn’t mean that they, especially Pinoe and Sue, don’t have their fair share of fun teasing them.

  


They happen to be in town for the ESPYs; Pinoe is a regular at sporting award shows even years into her retirement. When Christen found out they’d be in the area, she had insisted that they come over for dinner. She dropped the boys off at her parents’ for the night and setup the outdoor dining area for company while Tobin manned the grill.

  


Twenty minutes after they were supposed to arrive, Pinoe had called saying something about how they got lost in the winding street of the Palos Verdes and somehow ended up on the wrong side of the peninsula but that they had reoriented themselves and they were expecting to arrive within the next 10 minutes.

  


Christen had just finished putting the finishing touches on the salad when the doorbell rang.

  


“Well, well, well, look who it is,” Christen teases as she opens the door. “Sure took you long enough!”

  


“You should be grateful that we got here within an hour of when we were supposed to,” Pinoe is quick to retort as she pulls Christen in for a hug.

  


“Fair enough,” Christen laughs and then hugs Sue quickly before pointing through the front hall towards the French doors that lead to the patio, “Tobin’s outback with our dinner.”

  


Before long, the four women are full of the kebabs that Tobin had grilled and have moved on to sitting around the fire pit exchanging stories and reminiscing.

  


Pinoe is in the middle of a story about sitting courtside at a Storm game - something about how they were sitting next to the bench recently and they were brought out to “play” during the half time show even though they’ve both been retired for years and everyone was laughing at them because their knees are shot and they can’t really move the way they used to - when suddenly Christen breaks out laughing.

  


Christen’s laugh is so forceful that it actually shuts Pinoe up and before she can even ask what’s going on, Tobin is doubled over laughing as well.

  


“What the hell is wrong with you both? Did having children cause you to actually lose your minds?” Pinoe looks over at Sue for support but all she can offer is an empty shrug.

  


Christen tries to respond but she’s laughing so hard that she can’t really breathe so all that comes out is a wheeze.

  


“In that case, I guess we better get going,” Pinoe feigns getting up to leave.

  


Christen puts her hand out, signaling for Pinoe to wait while she catches her breath. Once again, she won’t let herself look at Tobin. She knows that if she does, she’ll never be able to stop laughing. Instead, she closes her eyes and forces herself to take deep, steady breaths.

  


Once she’s pulled herself together, she takes a sip of her drink and then starts to explain, “We were laughing because,” she has to force herself to swallow another bubble of laughter, “we haven’t gotten courtside seats to a basketball game since the Blazers playoffs in 2019 because people kept screen capping their computers every time the camera showed us in the background. So now we just sit in boxes and thank goodness for our relative anonymity.

  


“Like the next time we bought tickets, they asked us if we’d be willing to participate in a halftime show and that was how we decided we could never show our faces again.”

  


Christen can tell that Pinoe and Sue understand; they’ve always been more comfortable with the lime light. But instead of admitting that aloud, all Pinoe offers is a deadpan, “Wow, y’all are so extra. All that for some box seats. Damn.”

  


//

  


Tobin thought she was going to love retirement. She was lucky that she wasn’t stepping away from soccer entirely, just into a new role. A role she loved. In a life she loved.

  


Serving as the Assistant Director of the Portland Thorns Youth Academy for six years was an honor and a privilege that she didn’t take lightly. But she had promised Christen that they would move back to LA full time to raise their kids, and after two years of marriage, Tobin could tell that Christen was starting to get antsy, even if she would never admit it.

  


Tobin got her A-license and there were suddenly way more job opportunities, one of which _just happened_ to be the Director of the Youth Academy for the LA Galaxy/Cosmos. As much as Christen was an LAFC fan, Tobin figured that she would forgive her if it meant that they could move back and finally buy that big house on the beach that they’d been dreaming of.

  


Tobin thought she was going to love retirement. Who wouldn’t want to live in a beautiful house, in a beautiful city, with their wonderful wife and adorable baby?

  


And she does. Well, most of her anyway.

  


She really didn’t think it would feel like this. She assumed she’d be happy for them, ecstatic even. Winning their 4th title in 10 seasons is a huge accomplishment.

  


And she is. Happy for them, that is.

  


But part of her, a part much bigger than she wants to admit, feels like maybe, in the end, she didn’t really matter to them at all.

  


She didn’t want to see them fail. At least, she doesn’t think she did. Each week, she and Christen would sit and watch the Thorns games together. Even in the middle of the season when Miles was a fussy newborn and they were exhausted new parents.

  


They have a couple of friends over to watch the final and everyone has a great time. Lindsey scores a beautiful header that Bledsoe can’t do anything to stop and as soon as the Thorns are ahead, there’s no stopping them. When the final whistle blows, Tobin leads the celebration. She even pops some champagne.

  


But, later, when the dust has settled, she’s tossing and turning and trying not to wake Christen and falling apart because the thought that perhaps the Thorns didn’t need her, _never_ needed her, is breaking her heart.

  


At first, the tears sting and she fights against them, tries not to let them out but it’s a losing battle from the start.

  


Then, she tries her best not to sob. Crying quietly into her pillow, she can handle. But waking Christen up over something so silly would be ridiculous.

  


She loses that one, too. She feels likes she’s losing a lot today.

  


The dam breaks and a sob wracks through her body with no care or affection for the woman asleep next to her. She tries to make herself breathe but that only increases the tightness in her chests so she throws backs the covers as gently as she can and pushes herself up from her pillow. Better to sob in the bathroom and let Christen sleep, she thinks, than to seek comfort.

  


But before her feet even hit the floor, she feels fingers wrap around her wrist, tugging her back down to the bed.

  


“Hey,” Christen says through a sleepy yawn, “what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

  


Tobin feels pathetic. All she can do is turn her face into Christen’s chest and let the sobs roll out. She sinks down into the mattress, anchored only by the comfort of Christen rubbing smooth circles across her back.

  


“I ju-,” she interrupts herself with a hiccough. “They didn’t need me,” she cries, but as she hears herself she starts to laugh at how ridiculous she’s being.

  
“Who didn’t need you, honey?” Christen asks as she sits up, showing Tobin that she has her full attention.

  


Tobin can’t quite tell at this point if she’s laughing or crying but she wipes her eyes with the back of her hands and forces herself to take a deep breath. This time, the breath manages to calm her and she nods appreciatively at Christen who is handing her a tissue.

  


“Sorry for waking you,” she ducks her head bashfully. “It just hit me that for the first time ever, the Thorns won the championship without me. And I know it’s silly but I just feel like maybe I wasn’t that important to them after all.” The tears coming back, first slowly building until they’re rolling steadily down her cheeks. She wipes at them with the tissue but it doesn’t do much good. “And I feel so silly for even caring whether or not I was important or whatever because I got to spend so many years doing what I love in a place I love. But I just can’t help it.”

  


“Oh, sweetie, come here,” Christen coos as she pulls Tobin back into her. “I don’t think you should feel silly. In fact, I think that your feelings make a lot of sense. But I see it totally differently. When I see how successful the Thorns were this season, all I see is you. The culture you helped create. The foundation you helped to build. The drive you instilled in your teammates to be hungry for success and satisfied with nothing less. That’s all you, babe. They won because of you and I’m sure that every single one of them knows that.”

  


Tobin looks up at her, eyes red and puffy with the remnants of tears that dried as Christen comforted her, “Really? You’re sure?”

  


“I’m positive,” Christen’s tone suggests that arguing with her would not be wise. “Let’s get some sleep and we can talk about this in the morning. I can handle Miles tonight; you just get some rest.”

  


Tobin nods, the exhaustion left in the wake of her emotions takes over. “Love you,” she whispers across the pillow to her wife, grateful to be with someone who always knows just what to say, even when woken up in the middle of the night.

You're still the one  
That makes me strong  
Still the one  
I want to take along  
We're still having fun  
And you're still the one (yes you are)

  


Tobin has never been as scared as she is right now, sitting in the exam with Christen waiting for the doctor to come back with the results even though it’s Christen’s appointment. She knows that she’ll have to be strong. That, if worst comes to worst, she is going to need to pick up a lot of slack in a way that doesn’t make Christen feel guilty. But she can’t quite stomach the thought so she tries to remain hopeful. She squeezes Christen’s hand as tight as she can without hurting her and tries to breathe.  
  


“Whatever she says, baby, we’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

  


Christen looks up at her, eyes brimming with tears, and nods. She swallows, trying compose herself, “if you say so, Tobes.”

  


“I do say so. I’m putting it out into the universe so it’ll come back to us, just like you always say.”

  


Christen gives her a watery smile and she wraps her arms around her back, thinking that maybe it’ll have actually worked. But when the doctor knocks tentatively on the partially open door, Tobin is certain, before the doctor says a thing, that it’s bad news.  
  
_Stage three malignant breast cancer. Likely to become metastatic. Mastectomy. Radiation. Chemo._

  


The words are swimming around in Tobin’s head and she’s starting to feel dizzy. She glances over at Christen and sees that her features have hardened into a grimace in an attempt to stay strong. Rather suddenly, she shifts from being overwhelmed and confused to being outright furious. Christen, the love of her life, the kindest and most generous woman in the world, does not deserve breast cancer. Bullshit.

  


Christen can sense the anger bubbling inside Tobin and squeezes her hand. “Baby, can you give me a minute to talk to Dr. Kam? I’ll meet you in the waiting room in a minute.”

  


Tobin nods and gets up silently. She shuffles out to the lobby and paces, trying not to make eye contact with anyone for fear that she’ll start crying. She wants to call her mom, to find a way to take the pain away. She feels so powerless.

  


A few minutes later she hears her name called and she looks up like a deer in headlights. Dr. Kam beckons her over, into another smaller exam room.

  


“She’s just getting dressed. She’ll be out in a minute so I wanted to talk to you for a second about what to expect. I know that getting this kind of news is really difficult. But honestly, we’re quite lucky we caught it when we did and we’ll be able to treat aggressively so I’m hopeful that Christen will be fine. So, even though it’s really hard, I need you to step up. There’s going to be a lot that Christen will want to do even though she can’t. You’re going to need to take over without making her feel useless. I would recommend that you find yourself an outlet now so that you have a way to express how hard this is without making her feel like a burden. Does that make sense?”

  


Tobin tries to process what she’s hearing but she gets a little bit hung up, “You really think she’ll be okay? It sounds really bad.”

  


“Cancer always sounds really bad. But Christen will schedule another appointment for next week during which we can establish a treatment plan. Be prepared to take some time off from work after her surgery and again when she’s going to start chemo and radiation. And maybe see if your parents, or hers, can come stay with you for a bit to help out with things in the mean time. We’ll know more next week. For now, remember to keep breathing, and to take care of yourself so you can take care of her.”

  


Just as Dr. Kam is finishing up, Tobin sees Christen walk out into the waiting room. She turns quickly to thank Dr. Kam before jogging over to her and slipping their hands together.

  


They walk out to car silently and Tobin turns the key in the ignition before she notices that Christen’s shoulders have started to shake. “Oh baby,” Tobin coos as she reaches over to wipe her thumb across Christen’s cheek in an effort to catch the falling tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I wish more than anything in the world that I could make this go away.” Christen just cries harder until she’s sobbing, chest heaving, eyes screwed shut. Tobin climbs carefully over the center console and pulls Christen into her. She gently rubs her back, doing her best to soothe without reassuring, since she doesn’t quite believe Dr. Kam that things will work out.

  


Tobin isn’t really sure how long they sit there but eventually Christen’s breathing evens out and Tobin climbs back over to the driver’s seat without letting go of her hand.

  


“Do you need anything? Is there anywhere you’d like to stop on our way home? Or should we just go cuddle in bed for the rest of the day until it’s time to get the kids?”

  


Christen just shrugs, “Don’t you have to go back to work?”

  


“No baby, you’re my priority. I’m here for whatever you need. So just tell me,” Tobin replies with a look of sincerity that takes Christen’s breath away.

  


“Cuddling does sound good, maybe some ice cream?” she suggests sheepishly.

  


“Of course, honey. From the store or from an ice cream place?”

  


“The store is fine. I kinda want to eat it out of the carton in bed and wallow in misery, if that’s okay?”

  


They pick out more ice cream than will fit in their freezer and spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon nestled into each other, occasionally breaking out intermittently in tears and laughter.

  


When they have an hour left before they have to get the kids, they shower and try to look presentable, even though they feel anything but on the inside.

  


It shouldn’t really surprise Tobin that telling the kids feels at least a million times harder than receiving the news that morning. They’re seated at the dining room table; a place they only sit on special occasions. Avery is bouncing in her lap. This is a first for them. Usually, they have to tell the kids that Mama won’t be able to play with them for a bit because she needs to recover from ankle surgery, or a broken rib, or a pulled muscle in her lower back. Tobin thinks that this might be the first time she’ll ever have to take care of her wife through something more difficult than the result of a bad tackle or a common cold.

  


The kids start to get antsy, sensing that something isn’t right as Tobin and Christen try to collect their thoughts. Miles, ever protective, asks in a voice so scared that he sounds half his age, “Mom, what’s wrong? Did somebody die?”

  


Tobin’s face blanches at the thought but Christen, just as she always does, stays strong and answers him gently. “No baby, nobody died. But we do have some pretty bad news. And some good news.” Taking a deep breath, she continues, “But the bad news is that I have cancer. The good news is that they caught it pretty early and my doctor thinks I’m going to be okay.”

  


The kids sit stunned in silence until Miles pushes his chair back from the table with such force that it knocks over and barrels into Christen’s chest sobbing. Soon, they’re all crying and Tobin realizes that this is one of the times Dr. Kam was talking about.

  


She forces herself to breathe and then wipes her eyes on her shirt in the way that drives Christen crazy and then she says more sternly than she expects from herself, “Enough. Didn’t you hear what mom said? The doctor thinks she’s going to be okay. And if that’s what the doctor thinks, then that’s what we’re all going to believe. Kapiche?”

  


She looks at each of the kids until they respond and then grabs a napkin from the middle of the table and wipes each of their faces. “No more tears today, I’m going to make us dinner while you all shower and then we can watch a movie as a family even though it’s a school night. Okay?”

  


The kids look a little puzzled but accept Tobin at her word and run off to get ready for dinner.

  


“Thank you, baby,” Christen spreads her hand over Tobin’s knee.

  


Tobin looks over at her wife in wonder, “What could you possibly be thanking me for? I’ve been crying all day. You’re the one who handled everything.”

  


“Honey, you know that’s not true. You made me feel better this afternoon and you just got all the kids to calm down and even made a plan for tonight. So thank you. I mean it.”

  


Deciding to accept it, Tobin just nods and gives her a kiss before she gets up to get started on the dinner she promised.

  


Things don’t get easier but Tobin finds that she’s able to adjust. She changes her work schedule so that she does almost all of her office work from home in the afternoons and she arranges with Christen’s parents for them to come up every time she needs to travel. She stays up late on Sunday to cook for the whole week so that Christen never has to worry about feeding the kids. She hires a dog walker, and a housekeeper, and a babysitter until one day the babysitter sits her down and offers to do all three. So, even though it’s really hard, they make it work. Tobin doesn’t let Christen negotiate. She makes decisions, even when it goes against her natural instinct. She refuses to let Christen down.

  


The hardest part though, is not the schedule changes or the increased chores, or the weight of explaining the situation to everyone she meets, it’s watching the woman get loves get ravaged by an illness that she is powerless against. She has to sit idly by as Christen looses weight and looks pale and her wild curls go limp and stringy before they start to fall out. But Tobin keeps reminding her that she’s beautiful, that even if she doesn’t feel it, the beauty shines from her soul, and in the way she loves her, and in the way she loves their kids. And sometimes that’s enough, and it seems that Christen believes her.

  


But the treatment, according to the doctors, appears to be working. So after recovering from surgery, and then from chemo and radiation, a very long seven months later they receive the news that they had hoped and prayed for but thought might never come.

  


_Cancer free_.

  


Not cured, yet, but cancer free. And Tobin can finally breathe.

  


The treatment courses end; slowly but surely life makes it’s way back into Christen’s bones and she starts taking walks in the sunshine and her hair comes back, in little tufts at first and then her curls are back and Tobin, try as she might, cannot stop running her fingers through them even when Christen swats her hand away and squeals in protest.

  


“We did it, baby. You did it. And I missed them. Let me have this.”

  


Christen just rolls her eyes in adoration and nestles her head a little further into Tobin’s chest.

  


//

  


Two months after Christen is declared cancer free with no sign of it returning, Tobin decides that they’re allowed to celebrate for real. She asks her parents to come for two weeks so that she can take Christen on a real vacation. They end up arranging it so that her parents arrive for a visit on the Wednesday before the kids get out of school for the summer. Cindy, almost as grateful as Tobin that Christen is okay, offers to take the kids on a trip to see their cousins so that they won’t complain about having nothing to do during their week off before camp starts.

  


When Tobin tells Christen the plan, she’s prepared with flight itineraries and the various other precautionary schedules so that she has the upper hand if Christen tries to argue. She’s booked their room and rented a car and has arranged for transportation to and from the airport in LA. She honestly cannot remember a time when she had prepared so meticulously for something since she was in high school.

  


But instead, much to her surprise, and relief, Christen goes along with it. Tobin thinks she seems genuinely excited, even when she mentions that she’s sad that the kids aren’t coming with them, they’re both really looking forward to the time alone, together.

  


The journey is a bit of a marathon and it takes them almost a full day. But, when they pull up to the villa that Tobin booked for them, which according to the brochure in Christen’s hand is called Sea Sand & Sun, it’s immediately clear that the flights and long car ride were worth it.

  


Tobin insists on climbing out of the Jeep she rented through the roof, instead of using the door, just to tease Christen and she can see, from her vantage point, the pool and deck that connect their home to the beach.

  


“Babe, come up here! I knew from when I booked that it was gonna be nice but holy shit!”

  


Christen rolls her eyes, “I’m not climbing on the roof of the car just to see the yard of a place that I can, you know, actually go, Tobin. Come down and bring the stuff in so we can go sit on the pool deck instead of just look at it.”

  


Tobin scrambles down and swings the hatch open to grab their suitcases.

  


“First of all, you cannot call this beauty a _car,_ it’s a Jeep. And, second of all, fine but can you at least take your carry-on? Then we only have to make one trip.”

  


“What’s the magic word?” Christen teases, already walking over to take her carry-on from Tobin.

  


Tobin grumbles before saying please, knowing that Christen is making fun of her parenting but also knowing that she’s right.

  


In typical Christen fashion, she starts to unpack as soon as they get inside. Tobin, on the other hand, is so awestruck by the view that she’s frozen in place.

  


“Christen, pictures do not do this place justice. How are we ever gonna leave?” she calls to her wife in who is setting up their bedroom.

  


A few minutes later, when Christen is satisfied with the placement of her belongings, she sneaks up behind Tobin in the middle of the living room and wraps her arms around her waist. Resting her head on her shoulder, she whispers, “We’re going to miss our babies soon, but in the mean time, maybe we could pretend to make some more.”

  


Tobin audibly gulps. “Yes. Yes, please.”

  


Christen laughs gently at Tobin’s eagerness. “Go check the nightstand on your side of the bed.”

  


Moments later, she hears the sounds of Tobin rustling through the drawer and then stumbling to get her clothes off.

  


She walks through the villa and out onto the pool deck before calling back to Tobin, “I’ll be in the gazebo, babe. Come find me when you’re ready.”

  


It ends up taking Tobin longer to get the harness on than if she hadn’t been rushing quite so much but she eventually gets it to sit properly and grabs the bottle of lube before running after Christen.

  


When she gets to the gazebo, she pulls the curtain back and sees Christen laying naked across the cushions with her feet planted and her knees up, one hand over the scars on her chest, the other between her legs.

  


Christen has her eyes closed and is gently stroking herself, enjoying the feeling of cool breeze against the heat of her center.

  


Tobin crawls over her and Christen opens her eyes. A smile spreads across her face as she sees the dildo between Tobin’s legs and her thighs fall to the side.

  


Tobin leans down to kiss Christen and holds herself up on her elbows. Christen’s lack of patience is showing already as she slips her tongue into Tobin’s mouth and wraps her arm around Tobin’s neck in an attempt to pull her down.

  


Tobin stays strong, kissing Christen back with vigor but not letting herself touch Christen anywhere else just yet.

  


Christen really doesn’t want to wait though and soon she’s pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down Tobin’s neck and back up to just under her ear. “Please fuck me, baby.”

  


It takes all of Tobin’s will-power to not give in. She sits back on her heels and decides to make the most of it. Given that they have no real plans, other than keeping each other company and enjoying the beautiful weather, for most of the next week, she might as well take her time.

  


“I will, but there are some other things I want to do first.”

  


Christen looks a little bit puzzled but chooses not to argue, hoping that being agreeable will encourage Tobin to get a move-on.

  


In the flirtiest voice she can muster, Christen asks, “Like what, baby? What do you want to do to me?” She can see Tobin’s resolve falter but it’s not quite enough.

  


Tobin leans forward just enough to take Christen’s hands in hers and guides them up to the slats of the gazebo behind them. “Hold onto this for me. And don’t move, or I’ll stop. You had your turn while I was getting ready. Now it’s my turn.”

  


Christen groans and her thighs shake and she wishes more than anything that she could rub them together for any semblance of friction or relief but Tobin is situated in a way that makes it impossible.

  


Once Tobin is satisfied that Christen isn’t going to move, she presses a kiss to her forehead and then her lips before sliding back and kissing across her chest. She makes a point of pressing especially gentle kisses across the scar where Christen’s right breast used to be, silently reassuring Christen again and again that she’s still just as beautiful in her eyes.

  


Christen moans from deep in her throat and her hips buck up in search of something, anything, that Tobin might be willing to give her.

  


Tobin sits back on her heels one more time and takes a second to enjoy the sight of her wife splayed out before her. She scoots her hips back so that they’re down by Christen’s knees and then uses her fingers to spread Christen open. She licks a broad stroke from Christen’s entrance to the base of her clit and then blows a gentle stream of air across until Christen is quivering all over and her head is tilted back with need. She rests her head on Christen’s tummy, feeling her abs clench under her cheek, and uses her fingers to spread the wetness leaking from Christen’s center up toward her clit.

  


When she feels Christen is ready, she takes the bottle of lube and squeezes some into her hand and rubs it along the shaft of the dildo. Then, she rubs the tip of the dildo across Christen’s entrance and around her clit a few times, reveling in the breathy moans that fall from Christen’s lips.

  


Tobin can see that Christen is squeezing her hands into fists with the effort to keep them above her head. “You’re doing so good, baby. Just a little longer,” she offers with a kiss to Christen’s hipbone.

  


In response, her hips buck up against the tip of the dildo so it almost slides inside. The whimper she releases is so desperate that Tobin finally gives in.

  


She holds the shaft in one hand, the other up by Christen’s shoulder holding her up, and presses it inside, slowly, giving Christen time to adjust to each inch. When her hips finally settle against Christen’s, she drops down onto her elbow and rolls forward, testing the feel of the base of the dildo against her own clit.

  


“Tobin, kiss me. Please,” Christen whines and Tobin has no choice but to oblige. Their tongues and bodies slide together until they’re both panting so hard that they can’t kiss anymore.

  


Tobin slides the hand that had been holding the dildo back between their legs and rubs tight circles against Christen’s clit. She imagines what it would feel like to actually experience the pressure of Christen’s walls clenching around her and bucks forward with more force than before.

  


That, along with the pressure of Tobin’s fingers on her clit, sends Christen over the edge and Tobin follows close behind.

  


When Tobin has caught her breath enough to speak, she kisses Christen’s nose and says, “You can put your arms down, honey.”

  


They immediately slump down at her sides and her chest heaves again before she settles and nudges Tobin with her hips, signaling that Tobin can pull out. Tobin takes her time and admires the blissed out expression spread across Christen’s face.

  


She climbs off the futon and pushes the harness down over her hips and then kicks it off to worry about later before crawling back up toward Christen and laying her head on her chest. She lets the sound of Christen’s heartbeat lull her to sleep.

  


Hours later, the sun has started to set and it’s streaming through the gap in the curtains that cover the entrance of the gazebo. The bright light wakes them both and Tobin rolls over to give herself room to stretch.

  


“If that was the first day of our vacation, where do we even go from here?” she jokes when she sees that Christen is fully awake.

  


Christen laughs and offers, “You’re the one who made the itineraries, so you tell me.”

  


Tobin leans over to kiss her and then gets up, offering Christen a hand. “In that case, I say that we shower, put our pjs on, and then look through the kitchen to see what they stocked for us?”

  


“I don’t think that’s necessary, babe.”

  


Tobin looks at Christen confused. “Which part? You always want to shower after we fly, and we’re not going out so pjs are fine.”

  


“Any of it. I’d rather just eat you for dinner,” Christen husks and Tobin’s cheeks turn bright red.

  


“Or not, if you’re not interested…” Christen moves to get off the futon and head into the villa but Tobin pulls her back.

  


“I’m interested, very interested.”

  


When Christen has made Tobin come so many times that she really can’t walk normally, Christen leads her to their bed and offers to see what she can find for them to snack on.

  


She returns a few minutes later with pretzels, coconut water, and dried fruit and tosses them to Tobin before stepping into the bathroom and turning the shower on.

  


“You refuel and I’ll shower then you can shower while I call my parents and then when you’re out of the shower we can call the kids?”

  


“Sounds like a plan, Stan!”

  


Christen rolls her eyes, “only you could be so sexed that you can’t move and still be so enthusiastically corny.”

  


“But you love it,” Tobin teases.

  


“I love you. But I wouldn’t go _that_ far,” Christen laughs as she steps under the hot spray and washes away the travel day.

  


When she gets out, Tobin is asleep with a pretzel sticking out of her mouth. She looks so cute that Christen just takes the pretzel and lets her sleep, going back outside to the pool deck to call her parents and the kids.

  


Tobin sleeps through the night and when she wakes up the following morning, she’s still a bit sore but more refreshed than she can remember feeling in a long while.

  


She wakes Christen up and makes them breakfast before they take a long walk around the neighborhood they’re staying in. The stop at a café for lunch and then head to the beach to read and relax.

  


That night, a private chef comes to cook for them in their villa and Christen is beyond impressed with how good of a job Tobin did on the planning.

  


She shows her just how impressed she is in the pool, and the shower, and then again in bed before they fall asleep.

  


Their third day brings a jet-ski tour of the island and fancy dinner reservations. Tobin wears slacks with a loose fitting button down and Christen wears a dress with a slit so far up her thigh that Tobin thinks it should be illegal, not that she’s complaining.

  


Day four starts with a couples’ massage and spa day at the villa, which they both enjoy but secretly think they could have done better on their own, and ends with a sunset cruise and dinner on the boat.

  


On their fifth day, Tobin goes surfing and Christen watches from the beach. She makes it through a book and a half before Tobin tires herself out and is grateful for the opportunity because she can’t remember the last time she really got to enjoy a book for fun instead of for work.

  


The sixth day, Tobin drives them to the tennis courts and they play until their arms feel like jelly and then walk down the beach until they come across a hotel where they can stop for lunch. That afternoon, Tobin drives them around the island and they try to see as much of it as they can. They stop at a fruit stand on the side of the road and get the best passion fruit they’ve ever had.

  


They spend their last day at the villa, just the two of them. Christen reads and works on a puzzle while Tobin paints and they do their best to appreciate the quiet. When they climb into bed that night, they admit that as amazing as their getaway has been, they’re more than ready to get home and back to their babies.

  


“Should we call them?”

  


Before Tobin can even get the words out, Christen is calling Miles’s phone on FaceTime. He answers on the second ring and looks happier than they were expecting, given that he’s a thirteen-year-old boy and his moms are calling.

  


“Hey, honey! How’s grandma and grandpa’s? Excited to come home tomorrow?” Christen asks.

  


Miles starts to answer but he’s cut off by Avery screeching, “Is that mommy and mama? Lemme see!”

  


Deciding it’s not worth arguing with her, he hands the phone over and Avery gives a detailed account of her day at the pool until she grows bored and gives the phone back to Miles.

  


Miles finally answers Christen’s questions and reassures her that his siblings are behaving and that they’re all fine.

  


Tobin asks him to go get Nathan, and when he does so without a fuss Christen and Tobin share a look that says _wow, he must really miss us_.

  


Nathan, quiet as usual, answers their questions with one or two words but before he gives the phone back to his big brother he says that he can’t wait to hug them tomorrow and their hearts melt a little in their chests.

  


Once they hang up with Miles, they call Tobin’s parents to thank them for taking such good care of the kids and then Christen gets up and checks the whole villa to make sure they’re not forgetting anything while Tobin finishes packing her stuff.

  


The trip home takes what feels like forever because it starts with a 3am drive to the airport to return their rental car and going through customs and it ends with them stumbling through the door of their house 23 hours later with as much of their stuff as they can carry.

  


Miles sits in the living room with Tobin’s parents and jumps off the couch, forgetting to feign disinterest for a few minutes, and hugs his moms before asking if he can go get his siblings so they can say hi.

  


“Why don’t we just follow you upstairs, bud?” Tobin offers, knowing that Christen will be annoyed if the kids get riled up. “That way we can tuck you in and give them a kiss goodnight in one go.”

  


He agrees and they head up, getting Miles settled before they make their way to Nathan and Avery. Nathan wakes up a little bit and they lay with him until he falls back asleep. Avery is out cold so they each kiss her forehead and then make their way back downstairs to thank Tobin’s parents one more time.

  


When they’re woken up way to early the next morning by 8-year-old Avery jumping into bed with them before 7am, they can’t bring themselves to mind. Christen sends Tobin to get the boys and they all snuggle in until Avery asks for pancakes and Tobin can’t say no. They wouldn’t have it any other way.

  


  


Changing, our love is going gold  
Even though we grow old, it grows new  
  
  


Their 30th anniversary sneaks up on them. They’ve just finished settling Avery into her new apartment in New York before her first day of school, this time as a teacher. As their flight lands back in LA, Christen gets a text from her sister saying that she expects them to be dressed up and at her house within 3 hours. Christen reluctantly agrees and tells Tobin that they have to be quick if they want to nap before they have to leave.

  


Tobin tries to get them home as quickly as she can but it’s LA and there’s traffic so she insists that Christen sleep in the car, or least try to meditate. Christen resists at first, assuring Tobin that she’s fine through a yawn. But she’s not as young as she used to be and the travel takes much more of a toll out of her now than it used to. She’s asleep within a few minutes of her protest.

  


//

  


Closer to 4 hours later they finally get to Tyler’s and there are a suspicious number of cars parked on the street but none of them are in the driveway or right out front. Christen and Tobin glance at each other and decide to hope that another family on the block is having a party and that they haven’t been tricked into anything.

  


Tobin rings the bell and Christen tries to rest her head on Tobin’s shoulder. She’s already feeling sentimental, since earlier that day when they left Avery at the airport they had to accept that their baby was finally a real adult. The whole day has made her feel really old but Tobin is still bouncing on the balls of her feet bursting with energy that is almost as infectious as her smile and Christen can’t help but absorb some of it.

  


Tyler finally answers the door and the house seems eerily quiet. She ushers them in and pushes them toward the back, claiming that since Steve wanted to grill so they’re going to be eating in the backyard.

  


Tyler swings the door open for them and takes a step back before a shout of “SURPRISE” fills the air that nearly knocks the wind out of them.

  


A while later, they’ve settled into their seats and started eating dinner when they hear the distinct ring of a knife against a glass.

  


“Oh no,” Tobin groans as Christen starts to laugh. “I guess we should have known this was coming.”

  


//

  


_Ali and Ashlyn_

  


“Honestly, it’s crazy that you guys have been married for 30 years already. When Tyler asked us to give a speech, we started thinking about when you first got together. Your first anniversary, of dating – to be clear, was such a beautiful mess.

  


“The funny thing is, you guys spent a whole year pining over each other before you got your act together enough to finally hook up. But once you did, wow. You thought you were so subtle and sneaky but anyone could see that you were in love from a mile away. Right, babe,” Ashlyn turns to Ali for confirmation.

  


Ali grins, “And to add to that, since I’m sure Tobin is going to get the brunt of the teasing tonight,” Christen buries her head in Tobin’s chest in an effort to avoid the embarrassment that’s surely coming, “I wanted to take a second to remind Chris that after World Cup Qualifying in 2014, she had such a crush on Tobin – they had been roommates for over a month – that it was impossible to talk to her about anything important if Tobin was in the room because she would literally just stare at her and not hear a thing you said. Ash and I used to get her to agree to the most ridiculous requests by using Tobin as a distraction.”

  


Ashlyn chimes in with a huge grin on her face, “Yup! Once she even gave us both pedicures because she was so caught up that she just kept nodding along. And the best part was, she had to ask Tobin to borrow nail polish.”

  


The whole party laughs and Christen’s cheeks flush when Tobin jokes loudly, “Aww, babe, you had a crush on me. That’s so embarrassing.”

  


Christen can’t think of a response so she just huffs and crosses her arms over chest until Tobin leans in and whispers, “It’s okay, honey, because I’ve got a crush on you too.”

  


//

  


_The Boys_

  


Miles quiets everyone down and Nathan stands next to him, clearly out of his element and happy to let his brother take the lead.

  


“So, obviously Avery is bummed she couldn’t be here but since you were with her until this morning and we can get away with it, we’ve decided to share a story in which we can throw her under the bus.

  


“I think I was fifteen at the time,” Miles turns to his brother, “so that means you were, what? 12? 13? Right, Nate?”

  


“Something like that,” Nathan laughs.

  


“And it was your anniversary – I don’t remember how many years. You finally decided we were old enough to stay home overnight without a babysitter. The first part of the weekend was fine. We just did typical kid things like eat all of Ma’s ‘hidden’ candy,” he says, making rather ridiculous air quotes. “And stayed up too late watching tv.”

  


Nathan gives him a look. “You and Avery stayed up too late watching tv, I was reading, which is allowed.”

  


“Good God, you’re such a nerd. Anyway, everything was fine until after lunch on Sunday. Avery was bored and being really annoying so I told her she could do whatever she wanted and she thought it would be fun to ‘teach the dogs to finger-paint.’ But it must have slipped her mind that they wouldn’t understand the concept of staying on the paper. So when I come in from the backyard and Nate comes out of the practice room, we see painted paw prints _all over_ the house.”

  


“It was really bad. You guys were so pissed.”

  


Christen and Tobin share a look, remembering how quickly their mood had soured when they got back to the mess after their nice weekend away.

  


“So, the point of this story is that it was all Avery’s fault and that you should blame her and that we should be tied for favorite child even though she’s the baby. Anyway, happy anniversary, we love you guys. Thanks for being the best moms a kid could ask for. Here’s to you, and many more!”

  


Everyone cheers and Miles gives an exaggerated bow before pushing his chair back and moving around the table to hug his moms. Nathan follows close behind.

  


//

  


_Francesca_

  


After the laughter and applause has died down and the boys are settled back in their seats, Francesca stands and raises her glass.

  


“We’ve heard a couple of funny stories already tonight and I know that we’ll hear a couple more so I just wanted to take this time to be a little, shall we say, sentimental.

  


“I truly cannot remember the time before I was friends with Christen. And no, that’s not just because we’re getting old. And honestly, after all this time, I almost can’t remember life before Tobin either.

  


“Loyalty is really important to me. And something that I both love and admire about Christen, and Tobin, is that even during the busiest times in their lives, when they were off winning gold medals, they still made time to show their friends and families how much they cared about them. I think that commitment just really speaks to their character.

  


“They’ve set the bar really high, in my opinion, for what it means to be a good person and to be a good partner. Abe and I have learned a lot from them over the years about how to make a marriage work and I’m sure a lot of you can say the same.

  


She extends her glass a little further and makes meaningful eye contact, first with Tobin then with Christen, “I don’t mean to exaggerate when I say this, but I have truly never seen a couple in love the way the two of you are. The work you put in to being the best for each other is deserving of all the happiness in the world. I love you both, cheers to you. And an extra cheers to Tobin for keeping my best friend the happiest girl in the world for more than 30 years.”

  


She sits back down wipes her eyes on her napkin and Christen blows her a kiss from across the yard.

  


//

  


_The Heath Siblings_

  


“Tobin, Christen,” Katie beams as she joins her brother and sister in front of the couple’s table.

  


Perry quickly takes over, “For a while, a long time ago, we thought Tobin was married to soccer and we had sort of just accepted that if soccer was her great love, she didn’t need anything, or anyone, else. A few years later, we were never so happy to be proved wrong.

  


“Soccer may have been Tobin’s first love, and clearly it was Christen’s too. And above all else, it brought the two of you together which really is the greatest blessing.”

  


Katie and Jeff nod along as Perry continues, “I’d just like to ask that we take a short moment to pray, in gratitude, for the family that we’ve been blessed with and that we’re here to celebrate today.” She closes her eyes and the rest of the guests follow suit.

  


After a minute or so, Katie clears her throat, “We love you, happy anniversary, ladies.”

  


Jeff raises his beer in a toast and then clinks the neck of the bottle against Perry’s wine glass causing everyone to laugh.

  


//

  


_Tyler_

  


Tyler, who is sitting next to Christen, leans over and whispers, “Last one, I promise. I’m mostly just thanking everyone for coming, nothing embarrassing.” She winks as she stands at her seat and Christen puts her face in her hand, grateful for her sisters but dreading what story Tyler has likely been cooking up since she decided to plan the surprise in the first place.

  


At first, it seems like maybe she really will keep her promise, “I just told Christen I was going to be the last one talking because, as host, it is my duty to say something. So, in that vein, thank you all for being here and helping my sister and her wife celebrate 30 years of marriage. Let’s do one last toast, to Tobin and Christen, a better love than any fairytale.

  


“Now, while I have your attention, it’s also my duty as older sister, to embarrass Christen a little bit even though I promised no more than a minute ago that I wouldn’t.” She smirks at Christen who shakes her head in joking disdain.

  


“All of you know Chris, so you all know that she can be a little, um, neurotic. And I say that affectionately. But since we’re here celebrating 30 years, like Ali and Ash, I thought we could recollect on year one. But I mean marriage. Tobin called me and asked if Christen had mentioned anything she might want and Christen happened to be sitting with me at the time so I decide to mess with them both and started listing off the most ridiculous things I could think of because I knew that Christen wouldn’t want to make Tobin feel bad by telling her that she knew that she had called me.

  


“So, Tobin sounds a bit confused but not nearly as confused as she probably should’ve been and Christen is next to me fuming that she’s going to get tickets to a minor league baseball game for her anniversary.

  


“Well, funnily enough, as you may know, she and Tobin are still part owners of the Portland Sea Dogs. So, you’re welcome for that. And for this party. Love you both, happy anniversary.”

  


//

  


They get home from the party exhausted and saddled with more bottles of wine than they can possibly drink.

  


“Honey,” Christen says through a yawn, “I’m way too tired to have sex tonight. I’m sorry to be boring but can we please just go to bed and do it in the morning when we have more energy?”

  


Tobin can’t help but chuckle at Christen’s reasonable request, “Of course, baby,” Tobin kisses Christen’s cheek as she puts the wine bottles she’s holding down on the kitchen counter, too tired to go downstairs to the wine cellar.

  


She follows Christen upstairs to their bed and when they’re all settled, she rolls over and says with a mischievous glint in her eye, “I guess Lesbian Bed Death isn’t a myth after all, what a disappointment we are. We spend more than 30 years fighting stereotypes and then poof, all that hard work is gone in one night.”

  


Christen just shoves her onto her back and hooks their legs together, “Trust me, baby, there isn’t anything dead about this bed unless you keep running your mouth like that.”

  


Tobin laughs and leans back to turn off the bedside lamp before wrapping her arms around Christen’s waist, “Fair enough. Love you.”

  


“Love you, too, T. Sweet dreams.”

  


You're still the one  
That I love to touch  
Still the one  
And I can't get enough  
We're still having fun  
And you're still the one  
  
  


Tobin knows that Christen hasn’t always loved her body. She also knows that she’s worked really hard on self-acceptance in the decade-plus that they’ve been together.

  


After their daughter is born, Tobin wants to give Christen time to recover and their lives get increasingly hectic. With three kids under the age of six, the time flies by. Before she knows it, Avery is two months old and they haven’t really had sex since Chris was six months pregnant.

  


One night, after all of the kids are asleep, Tobin rolls over to Christen’s side of the bed and kisses her, softly at first, then with more vigor. She starts to remember how good it feels to really kiss her wife with abandon. Tobin hums in pleasure as her tongue slips past Christen’s lips. She starts with her hands occupied by gripping the sheets beneath them, enjoying the simple warmth of her body pressed against her wife’s.

  


Not thinking anything of it, Tobin slips her hands under the hem of Christen’s pajama shirt to push it out of her way. Not a second later, Christen is pushing at her hands and pulling away. “I look gross Tobes, you don’t want to see me yet,” Christen laughs bitterly, laced with shame.

  


Tobin sits up so that she’s straddling Christen’s lap. “Chris, baby, of course you look different, you’ve had three babies in 5 years, but if you think that makes you any less beautiful, you’re surely mistaken.” She pauses to make sure that Christen is really looking at her but Christen starts to speak.

  


“You’re my wife, you have to say that.”

  


“We both know that’s not true. I just spent the past however many minutes making out with you, would I do that if I wasn’t attracted to you? Please, Chris, let me make you feel good,” Tobin pleads as she slips her hands back under the shirt, thinking that if she can show Christen just how much she wants her, it’ll help.

  


Tobin bends down and kisses Christen again. She starts slow, Christen still tense beneath her. Then she gets an idea. Kissing along her shoulder she asks, “Would it help if I gave you a massage?” She pauses again but Christen lets her continue, “I really want you, baby, but only if you want it too. I just miss feeling you. And didn’t really realize how much until right now. So please?”

  


Christen still looks nervous in a way that Tobin hasn’t seen for years, but she agrees. “A massage does sound really nice. Can you give me a minute, maybe go get the nice lotion from the bathroom?”

  


Tobin bounds off the bed toward the bathroom like it’s a race. In her mind, perhaps it is. She quickly scans Christen’s side of the vanity for the nice lotion but all she sees is the regular moisturizer that she uses everyday. She turns to the linen closet and pulls out all the bottles, shoving them on the counter until finally she sees it. The little blue tub of L'Occitane she spent way too much money as one of Christen’s birthday presents the year before.

  


She starts back toward the bed before remembering all of the other bottles she left out so she pivots quickly and rushes to put them all back, hoping none of them fall and knock the door open in an avalanche. She tries to remind herself to come back and make it neat again later, before Christen sees.

  


Finally back at the bedside, she sees that Christen is laying on her stomach with her pajama shirt bunched around her neck and the blanket pulled up over her butt.

  


Tobin clears her throat, “Uh, Chris, I found the lotion, don’t you think you’d be more comfortable if you take the shirt off? I won’t look if you don’t want me to. I just want you to enjoy this.”

  


Christen twists her head to the side to look at Tobin.

  


“Maybe,” she offers, almost timid, “it is choking me a little.”

  


Tobin almost wants to laugh except that her heart is aching for her wife who can’t seem to remember that she’s beautiful.

  


Tobin climbs on to the bed and settles herself gentle on top of Christen’s butt. “Is this okay?”

  


Christen just nods into the pillow below her.

  


Tobin unscrews the lid of the moisturizer and sticks her fingers in, trying to take enough for Christen’s whole back in one go. Then, before using her hands at all, she leans down to press a kiss to the base of Christen’s neck.

  


Christen murmurs, her voice laced with concern, “Tobes, that doesn’t feel like a massage.”

  


Tobin tries not to let frustration get the best of her. “Chris, please, I’m just trying to show you that I love you. I really don’t want to feel guilty for kissing you. I promise I won’t push you. But I need you to know how I feel.”

  


Tobin gives her a second to respond but Christen doesn’t so she offers, “Plus, I’m doing that thing you taught me where I let the lotion warm up on my hands before I start so that it isn’t cold. Just a few more seconds, then I think it’ll feel really good.”

  


When the lotion is finally warm enough, Tobin leans forward and places her hands on the back of Christen’s hips, digging her thumbs in along Christen’s spine. She works her way up slowly, rubbing in broad circles with her palms and focusing her thumbs on the various knots and pressure points.

  


She gets lost in the feel of her wife’s skin under her fingertips, enjoying the intimacy she’s missed for so long even if it isn’t exactly what she had imagined.

  


She’s pulled from her reverie when Christen’s body starts to quiver underneath her. Tobin immediately moves off of Christen’s back.

  


“Baby, are you okay? What’s the matter?”

  


She grabs Christen’s shirt and hands it to her quickly, pulling the sheets up toward her chest.

  


“Here, baby, put this back on and then can you tell me what’s wrong? I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”

  


This just makes Christen cry harder as she struggles to stick her arms through the sleeves, facing away from Tobin.

  


“Baby, you’re scaring me. Please just tell me, whatever it is. Please,” Tobin begs, feeling on the verge of tears herself.

  


With her shirt back on, Christen turns around and sits with with her arms crossed over the top her knees which are pulled up to her chest.

  


“I-I, I’m so sorry, Tobin. I’m s-such a b-bad m-mom and w-wife.”

  


Tobin is really starting to panic now but she knows that if she freaks out it will only make things worse so she counts to ten in her head before asking Christen to clarify.

  


“Honey, what are you talking about? You’re the best wife. My personal favorite,” she tries to joke, not knowing what else to do. “And you’re a great mom, Miles and Nathan are such good boys, everyone loves them. And Avery is still a baby but she’s so sweet and I know she gets that from you.”

  


Christen’s tears have slowed but she’s still clearly very distressed.

  


“I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” Tobin pleads again.

  


Christen finally looks up and says, exasperatedly, “But that’s the problem, you can’t make it better. And, apparently, neither can I.”

  


Tobin tries one more time, “Make what better, Chris?”

  


Christen’s face looks pained and Tobin wishes more than anything that she could make her wife feel better.

  


“I, I haven’t really been honest with you. I, um, I got diagnosed with post,” Christen chokes on the word before continuing, “postpartum depression. A few weeks ago. And I’ve been taking antidepressants.” The tears start again, “And, I guess, I guess I’m stupid, but I really thought they’d be working. Like, that I’d feel better.”

  


Now Tobin is crying, too. She pulls Christen into her chest and rocks them both back and forth, trying to give them time to collect themselves.

  


“Tobin, do you hate me?” Christen whispers, like she can’t stand the taste of the words in her mouth.

  


“Christen, look at me. There is nothing, _nothing_ , you could ever do or say or be or have that would make me hate you. I’ll be honest, I’m confused. And a little hurt. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me.”

  


Christen is clearly embarrassed but they both know that they have to talk about this.

  


“I, I don’t know. Every time I tried, I just got scared that you’d think less of me. Even though my heart knows that isn’t true, my brain just wouldn’t believe me. And then I tried to get better. I was gonna tell you when it was over. But it isn’t going away.”

  


Tobin tries to let the words sink in. She searches for a way to reassure Christen without ignoring her own feelings. She sits up and scoots back so that she’s resting against the headboard then stretches her legs out pulls Christen into her lap.

  


“Can you start from the beginning? I want to understand. When did you start feeling bad? Everything seemed fine when I was home with you the first few weeks. And, I know it can’t have been easy trying to deal with this alone. And I’m so sorry I didn’t notice. I just really wish you had told me.”

  


Christen turns to the side so that her right shoulder is digging into Tobin’s chest and her cheek is resting on Tobin’s collar bone. She does her best to explain how inadequate she felt as soon as Tobin went back to work and how it seemed to take infinitely more energy to get through all of the stuff for Avery than it did for Nathan. She tells Tobin about how she could hardly stomach eating and supplemented Avery with formula to makeup for it which made her feel guilty until the guilt spiraled into anxiety.

  


She says that when Dr. Rosenbaum pulled her aside after Avery’s one-month check-up it was to say that she looked too tired, even for a new mother, and to suggest that she see her PCP about how she was feeling. She goes over her appointments with Dr. Evanston, the diagnosis, the prescription, the process of trying to find a therapist who is a good fit.

  


“And worst of all, is I’m almost done with my PhD in psychology. I know that this is something that happens to women all the time and I’m still ashamed. Isn’t that embarrassing?”

  


“Honey, no. It’s not embarrassing at all. You are not responsible for the stigma against mental health issues in this country.”

  


“I know,” Christen concedes, “but I still wish this didn’t happen.”

  


Tobin wraps her arms around Christen and gives her a tight hug.

  


“Me neither, baby. But now that I know, we can face it together. And we’ve always been a pretty good team, haven’t we. ‘Must be a love connection,’ or whatever Allie always says, right?”

  


Christen tilts her head up to kiss the underside of Tobin’s jaw. “You’re so good to me, Tobin. Thank you. And I’m sorry. And I love you,” she says, each punctuated with a kiss.

  


“Of course, Chris, I’m your wife. That’s what I’m for.”

  


Feeling immensely relieved that Tobin is caught up on everything, Christen knows they still have a long way to go. But, she also feels the sudden urge to make Tobin feel good. To try to make up for lost time.

  


She kisses up Tobin’s jaw up to right beneath her ear. She takes her earlobe between her teeth and whispers, “Can I make it up to you? Can I make you feel good? Please, T?”

  


Tobin whimpers, surprised by how quickly Christen can turn her on, even after such an emotionally exhausting conversation.

  


Christen kisses back down Tobin’s neck to the collar of her shirt and reaches down to pull it over Tobin’s head. She makes quick work of tossing it across the room and kissing across Tobin’s chest, pulling a taut nipple into her mouth.

  


“It’s so nice to be on the other end of this, for once,” she jokes and Tobin threads her fingers through Christen’s hair.

  


“Feels so good, baby. Please don’t stop,” she begs.

  


Christen keeps going until she can feel Tobin swollen in her mouth and then she switches to the other side and slides her hands down Tobin’s flanks to push her shorts down.

  


Her mouth follows close behind and she pushes Tobin’s thighs apart before kissing across her pelvis and takes a deep breath. The smell of Tobin’s arousal is comforting after so many weeks without it, she realizes how much she missed it. She slides back up to tell Tobin as much while she parts her with her fingers and slowly stokes the fire building in Tobin’s core.

  


Minutes later, Tobin’s forehead is slick with sweat and her breathing has mellowed back down.

  


“Chris, baby, can I please touch you?”

  


And, to Tobin’s very pleasant surprise, Christen agrees, enthusiastically.

  


“Please, T, I need you so badly.”

  


Tobin goes the slowest she thinks she’s ever gone. She takes Christen’s pajamas off an inch at a time, making sure to stop and kiss every bit of skin as it’s exposed.

  


When she finally pulls her pajama pants off and throws them on the floor, she kisses her way back up Christen’s legs and stops just before the juncture of her thighs to look up at Christen. She needs to know that Christen really wants this, isn’t doing it for her sake.

  


Christen’s bottom lip is pulled between her teeth and as soon as Tobin stops kissing her hands thread through Tobin’s hair, immediately trying to push her to continue.

  


Tobin flattens her tongue and licks a broad stroke across Christen’s center and the moan Christen lets out is so dirty that it causes Tobin’s cheeks to burn with blush.

  


She keeps licking until Christen comes, and comes again. And then, when she’s about to try for a third, Christen whispers, her voice raw, “I can’t, T. I need a break.”

  


Reluctantly, Tobin crawls back up so that her head is next to Christen’s on the pillows.

  


“No matter what, I’ll always love you. You know that, right Chris?”

  


“I know, Tobin, I love you too. Thank you. Again.”

  


And even though the weight of Christen’s admission weighs heavy on her heart, Tobin feels lighter than she has since they brought Avery home from the hospital. She has her wife back. And even though it won’t be easy, they’re going to be okay.

  


You're still the one  
Who can scratch my itch  
Still the one  
And I wouldn't switch  
We're still having fun  
And you're still the one

  


It’s the first summer where all three kids are out of the house.

  


At 15 Avery had asked if she could go to a soccer academy on the east coast, instead of in California, so that she could meet new people. After a lengthy discussion which included a powerpoint presentation that Avery made in an effort to prove her point, Christen and Tobin felt they ought to agree.

  


They send her off to Florida where her grandma picks her up at the airport and other than the mandated once-a-week phone calls, they don’t hear much from her.

  


Nathan is spending his summer as a counselor at the engineering camp he enjoyed as a kid. He’s not too far away and occasionally comes home on his days off but they don’t count on it. They’re glad to see that he’s adjusting to the freedom of young adulthood because he’ll be moving to Ann Arbor to go to University of Michigan in the fall.

  


Even though he’s given them no reason to be, as his mothers, they’re worried. 

  


And Miles, too grown up for their taste, had gotten himself an internship in San Francisco for the summer and doesn’t plan to come home at all. They had gone up to visit him for the weekend and helped him move into his summer apartment. But on their last night in town, when he left dinner early to meet up with some of the other kids in his cohort, they realized that their baby boy had become a man and they needed to let him go.

  


They enjoy the first month more than they expected and easily fall into a new routine. Christen makes progress on her next book. Her research stays spread out on the dining room table so they’ve started eating dinner in the kitchen.

  


Tobin has to travel for several weeks over the course of the summer for various youth tournaments where she’s impressed by the talent she’s scouting. The best part, though, is that gets to see her daughter play in a couple of matches without the pressure of Avery knowing about it.

  


Two weeks before Avery and Nathan are set to come home, Christen finishes the first draft of her book and sends it off to her publisher for revisions.

  


She asks Tobin if there’s time for them to take a trip for a week, or even a long weekend, to celebrate. When Tobin agrees enthusiastically they get to planning and decide that it would be a great opportunity to unwind so they pick camping.

  


After a lot of research on Christen’s part and less so on Tobin’s, they decide on Van Damme State Park which is a ten-hour drive north. They manage to get lucky that there are sites available and Christen books one without much thought to its location within the park. Instead of driving, they end up flying into San Francisco so they can get dinner with Miles and then rent a Land Rover to take them the rest of the way. Flying with their too full backpacks makes them feel young again and they revel in it.

  


When they arrive at the campsite, they’re pleasantly surprised to see that they don’t yet have any neighbors immediately next door but there appear to a few other childless couples at the end of the loop.

  


“I’m glad we got here on a Thursday so that tonight might be more quiet but I’m sure we won’t be so lucky tomorrow,” Tobin says as they start to unload the car.

  


“I’m sure you’re right,” Christen offers, “but hopefully, since we’re staying until Tuesday, we’ll get to enjoy the quiet again on Monday?”

  


Tobin nods in agreement and then asks Christen to help her move the rocks and sticks from the ground where they plan to sleep.

  


Once they’ve cleared the ground to their liking, Tobin starts setting up the tent while Christen strings the hammock and gets the fire going. They prep dinner together, having gone grocery shopping before they got on the road.

  


They lay their sliced vegetables and a couple of foil-wrapped potatoes on the grate over the fire and then sit back in their chairs to enjoy the forest scenery as the sun starts to dip in the sky.

  


Later that night, Christen offers to put out the fire and Tobin starts to laugh.

  


“Are you kidding? We haven’t made s’mores yet! What’s the point of going camping if you don’t make s’mores?”

  


Christen gives Tobin a look, “Well, I was under the impression it was to celebrate your beautiful wife and her academic prowess but if you’re just here for the s’mores, I’ll let you be.”

  


Christen turns to walk back to their tent but Tobin grabs her wrist. “No way, Jose. This is a team effort. Sit that beautiful butt down and your dessert will be ready shortly.”

  


“What if I wanted something else for dessert?” Christen asks with a smirk.

  


Tobin, oblivious as usual, misses the innuendo and offers, “Then you’ll just have to wait until next week when we’re not camping anymore.”

  


Christen shakes her head in disappointment and laughs gently at her wife’s expense.

  


Having stoked the fire back to full force, Tobin is armed with two sticks and a bag of marshmallows. She rips it open and pulls out a handful, jabbing them on the end of the sticks. She hands the bag to Christen, “Can you put the chocolate on the crackers for me while I do this?”

  


Christen makes a couple of chocolate cracker sandwiches and puts them on a plate that she rests on the ledge of the fire pit.

  


Once Tobin has gently roasted Christens marshmallows and lit her own ablaze, she blows on them and then grabs the first sandwich from the plate and sticks Christen’s marshmallows inside then hands it to her quickly. In a rush to construct her own dessert, she pulls her marshmallows off the stick too forcefully and they slip onto the ground. Tobin scoops them up and blows on them again before placing them on the chocolate and taking a big bite.

  


“Eww! Tobin! That’s disgusting!” Christen exclaims. “They fell on the fucking ground!”

  


“I know, but I cooked them so that killed all the germs, they’re fine,” Tobin offers as an excuse, her mouth still full of s’more.

  


Christen looks at Tobin incredulously, “You know that isn’t how it works, right?”

  


Seeing the look on her face, Tobin decides to play with Christen and feign ignorance. “What are you talking about? Cooking kills germs. Cooked marshmallow equals germ free.”

  


Christen is so caught up on how gross it is that Tobin ate a dirt encrusted marshmallow that she doesn’t realize Tobin is playing with her and starts to explain that the cooking has to happen after the dirt to make a difference.

  


A few minutes and half a lecture later, Tobin finally interrupts Christen to get her attention. “Honey, I know. I was kidding, relax!”

  


She walks over to give her a kiss and make it better, “I’m sorry, it was just so funny seeing you so worked up over nothing.”

  


She closes her eyes and leans in, but instead of feeling Christen’s lips against hers, she feels a hand pushing at her cheek.

  


“Just what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

  


“Kissing my wife? Or trying to, at least?”

  


Christen shakes her head. “Absolutely not! You just ate dirt. I’m not kissing that!”

  


Tobin laughs, “please, baby. C’mon!”

  


Christen just turns her head and crosses her arms, doing her best to hold back her smile. “Not until you’ve brushed your teeth for at least two minutes. Three if you expect tongue.”

  


Tobin can’t argue with that so she walks over to the car and grabs their toiletry bag, “Will you at least come with me?”

  


“I’m not done eating yet, you’ll just have to wait.”

  


After Christen finishes eating, they clean up and get ready for bed and take a moment to appreciate the stars before they crawl into the tent for the night.

  


//

  


When Christen wakes up, she finds that Tobin is _not_ a happy camper. Tobin is sitting up in her sleeping bag with her arm twisted at what looks to be an incredibly uncomfortable angle stretching to reach the middle of her back.

  


“Uh, babe, what are you doing?” Christen asks and Tobin opens her eyes.

  


“Thank God, you’re finally up!” Tobin says, sounding frustrated. “I don’t know when but at some point I got a fucking bug bite and no matter what I do, I can’t reach it! Please, for the love of God, will you scratch it for me?!”

  


Christen is so busy laughing that she hardly notices Tobin taking off the tank top she slept in until Tobin throws her shirtless-self across Christen’s lap. Deciding to get back at Tobin for letting her get riled up about the dirty marshmallow last night, Christen places her palms flat on Tobin’s back and says, “You should know better than to scratch Tobin, why don’t you try meditating, I’m sure the itching will go away eventually.”

  


Tobin sits up immediately, verging on furious for just a second until she sees the early morning light dancing in Christen’s eyes and realizes that she’s being teased. She lays back down and and Christen quickly runs her nails across the bug bites between her shoulders. Tobin melts into a puddle with relief and then Christen stops scratching, choosing to run her fingers across Tobin’s back in gentle circles instead.

  


Moments later, Tobin’s head perks up, “Chris, can you please go back to scratching? It’s really so itchy.”

  


Against her better judgment, Christen does so. And continues to do so for the remaining four days of their trip.

  


As much as she pretends to be annoyed about it, she knows she can’t really hold it against Tobin, especially because she knows that if the roles were reversed, Tobin would do the same for her.

  


  


You are still the one  
That makes me shout  
Still the one  
That I dream about  
We're still having fun  
And you're still the one

You're still the one  
Yeah, still the one  
We're still having fun  
And you're still the one

  


“Nana?” Henry tugs on Tobin’s pants’ leg to get her attention.

  


She scoops the little boy up into her arms, “What’s up, buddy?”

  


“How long are Benny and I gonna stay with you and Grandma? Mommy and Daddy didn’t say when they were coming back like they always do. Are we staying here forever?” He’s torn between being sad that he may never see his parents again and excited to stay with his grandmas and their doggies.

  


Tobin is so tempted to laugh but instead she takes a breath and bends down to pick the 6-year-old up. “Honey, they just went with Grandma to get food for your brother’s birthday party. They’ll be back in a little bit, okay?”

  


He nods, looking relieved.

  


“So, while we wait for them to come back and Benny takes his nap, what do you wanna do?”

  


He thinks about it for a moment before running over to his backpack to grab his tablet, “Could we play trains?”

  


“Of course, buddy,” Tobin takes the tablet from him and unlocks to so she can open the train game. It’s tempting to offer a remark about how when she was a kid they played with actual train sets but she knows it’ll go over his head so she just lets it go and plops down on the couch with him instead.

  


He finishes the route he was working on and then closes the app and says, “Nana, I’m bored. Are Mommy and Daddy gonna be home soon?”

  


Tobin checks her watch and sees that it’s still early afternoon, “Not quite bud, we still have a while. They have to buy a lotta stuff. Want to go play in the backyard with me?”

  


Henry jumps off the couch, instantly filled with energy, and races toward the backyard.

  


“Hold your hourses, little man. I’ve got to grab your brother,” Tobin calls from the bottom of the stairs. She waits to make sure that she doesn’t hear the sound of the screen door sliding open before she makes her way up to the room where Benny is napping.

  


//

  


Forty-five minutes later, Benny is in his stroller happily gnawing on his teething ring and Tobin is trying her best to keep up with Henry in a game of 1 v 1. They hear the car pull up and Henry stops in his tracks so Tobin takes the opportunity to score a goal and celebrates it by scooping him into her arms.

  


“Nana! Did you hafta do that?” he whines, pouting dramatically.

  


“Mhmm, you didn’t call a timeout so it’s only fair,” she teases and he just squirms, trying to get down so he can run through the house to meet his parents at the front door.

  


“Tobin? Where are you?” She hears Christen’s voice ring through the house.

  


“Coming, sweetie,” she calls back as she maneuvers Benny’s stroller over the door jam. She takes him out of the stroller while they’re still in the back hall and then carries him into the kitchen so she can help with the unpacking.

  


Christen puts the milk in the fridge and then turns to Tobin to give her a kiss hello, “I forgot, in the hour and a half I was gone, how good you look with a baby on your hip, must be old age,” she jokes into the kiss.

  


“Yeah, you really must’ve aged a lot in that hour and a half,” Tobin jokes before kissing her wife again. “You missed me whopping Henry’s tush in soccer.”

  


Christen rolls her eyes at Tobin’s antics when Henry calls out, “Nana, what’s whopping?”

  


“It just means I beat you, bud. Because I scored the last goal and I won,” Tobin explains, hoping that it’s enough of the truth for everyone involved.

  


Henry looks like he wants to argue but then his mom offers him a snack and he gets sidetracked before he can say anything.

  


//

  


Over the course of the rest of the afternoon, the whole family slowly trickles over.

  


They sit down for dinner at 5:30 and Tobin gets to sit at the kids’ table which is more fun in theory than in practice because it mostly involves all of them passing her their plates so she can cut their food into bite-size pieces and then stuffing their mouths as quickly as possible so that they can go play.

  


The whole family gathers in the basement playroom for a game of charades that involves more yelling than playing but they all have a blast. And by 8, most of the kids are ready for bed so everyone heads back to the hotel with Tobin and Christen insisting they can handle the rest of the cleanup.

  


Once the dishes are washed and dried and they’re putting everything away, Tobin thinks back on the day’s events and how she wishes she could see more of her grandkids.

  


“Chris?”

  


“Yeah, honey?”

  


“Do you think maybe we should move closer to one of the kids so we can see everyone more often?”

  


Christen puts down the bowl she was holding and turns to face Tobin, “No, I don’t. But why do you ask?”

  


“I dunno,” Tobin shrugs, “just, today was really great. And I wish it happened more, I guess?”

  


“To be honest, T, I think we see them all more than we would otherwise because they like that their kids get to be in the house they grew up in and if we moved, we would lose that.”

  


Tobin thinks about it for a moment and then nods in agreement. “I guess that makes sense. But you’re always right so I’m not surprised,” she winks at Christen and grabs the bowl from the counter to put it away.

  


“Ugh, Tobin Heath, still such a charmer. Even after all these years,” Christen dramatically fans herself.

  


“What can I say, Christen Press, you’re still the one for me,” Tobin leans in to seal it with a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!


End file.
